Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Shadow

The shadow knows my name. It actually knows everything there is to know about me. It's comforting and scary, at the same time. It engulfs me from time to time, when I let it in. I don't see it as a shadow, it becomes so much more. It's talent amazes me, it's beauty draws me in. It challenges me, it dares me. It tests me to see how far I will go. I do things that I would never do, go places that I shouldn't go. I'm old. Too old. But the shadow makes me young again. The shadow convinces me that the things we are doing are fun. It spins it's web around me and I am happy to be cocooned within it, even if I know it won't last. I want the shadow to stay with me forever. I always wanted the shadow to stay. Maybe I wanted it too much in the past-- when the shadow used to be my world. The shadow doesn't want anyone full time-- and that's what always hurt. I grew to hate the shadow for not wanting me. The more I loved the shadow, the more I began to hate it. All I ever wanted was for the shadow to love me, and I know that it does.

The shadow has morphed again. It has changed shape and become a mist that floated up towards the sky. The mist whispers "I love you" as the cocoon begins to unravel around me. The shadow is gone and I am left with just the memory and a heart that feels full, and empty at the same time. "I love you", it had said. That's all I ever wanted, but it's not enough.


Blogger Brian said...

Several of you have commented that you liked this entry, but didn't think that I actually wrote it. I assure you that it is original and every word is mine. It was written from a very personal point of view-- deeper than I meant. I felt like people would read it and wonder what the hell I was talking about. It turns out that lots of us have Shadows in our lives-- the shadow could be a job, a parent, an ex. I guess it applies to people in different ways. I'm honored and humbled that I could touch on something that I thought was a personal crying out, that turned out to be a common feeling amongst many of my friends.

Do you have a shadow in your life? Do my words apply to your situation? I'd love to hear your feedback!

9:56 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even tho' you probably believe that my shadow should have faded away long ago, it hasn't. My shadow returns to me whenever I'm in my car -- if a love song is playing, especially if it's Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You". Often the shadow is there while I'm speaking to you or other friends. I'm usually saying something nasty about him but he's always there knowing I've never forgotten the good times. Don't ever think that the shadow goes away at a certain age -- if that shadow is strong enough, it will be there forever.

6:42 AM


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