Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Gonna Rule the World Someday

My friend Jay works in the bakery. He's about the funniest person I've ever met. We have an inside joke that I think is hysterical. You might not find it as funny as I do, but I'll fill you in on it anyway!
There is a kid that comes into bakery pretty often. He's about 15 years old, and I'm sure he thinks that he's so cool because he has the hugest afro I've ever seen on a white guy! One day Jay pointed out to me that that kid was going to rule the world someday. The geeks always do! He said he could tell by the way he dressed--baggy clothes, heavy book bag, and that hair! He also said that he'd seen him hand-feed a biscuit to his buddy sitting on the bench outside of the bakery. That showed that he was kind, even though he was a bad dresser and had bad hair. Now, after everytime he comes into the bakery we always comment that someday that kid is gonna rule the world.
I spent a lot of time in the bakery with Jay today and we came to the conclusion that "afro boy" might have some competition-- the future rulers of the world came out en masse today!
  • The little 4-year-old boy: although it was about 40 degrees today and very windy and overcast, he was wearing a flowered Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, sandals and white socks. He also wore sunglasses and a purple cast on his arm. The purple cast along with the flowered shirt on a frigid day, Jay pointed out, were clear signs of future greatness.

Ruling family: a 5 year old boy wearing a yellow Sponge Bob T-shirt, tie-dyed pajama pants and shoes that didn't match each other, accompanied by his little sister who wore a black and yellow striped sweater underneath a blue Superman T-shirt. Not only did her outfit set her up for greatness, she also had the ability to walk like a robot. Not an easy task for a 3 year old! Their Dad was dressed pretty normally, except for the electric blue sweatband that he wore across his forehead. I haven't seen a sweat band since Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" video in 1984! ONJ went on to greatness after that, so this man has a little hope! The clinching sign of greatness was the mother-- she looked ok, but she had a 3-legged dog with her, on a rainbow-striped leash. Was this a sign that she had a handicapped, gay dog? The family was quirky and kind to gay disabled animals, along with the fact that they were bad dressers-- sure signs of future greatness in Jay's eyes. After all, Donald Trump might've dressed similarly when he was a kid-- maybe he even had a disabled gay dog and that set the wheels in motion for his future greatness?

Jay and I have learned to speak without speaking. Everytime one of these kids comes into the bakery, we just look at each other and nod. We don't point or say a word- we just know that we are in the presence of the future rulers of the world and we try our best to serve them with a straight face.

There's also the other end of the spectrum-- the former rulers of the world category. We were visited by 2 of them today:

  • An older lady came in today-- obviously her last visit was to the hair salon down the block. She was still wearing a black smock and had lots of aluminum foil in her hair. I guess that midway through the dying process she felt a sudden urge to walk down the street in that get up and get herself a biscuit and and a cup of coffee. I would never do that! But God bless her-- I guess the beautician said something like "let's put you under the dryer for 15 minutes" and she said something like "can I go get a biscuit first?". I bet she used to rule the world!
  • A guy came in wearing a stocking cap today. At first glance, you'd think he had long curly hair. Then you'd think, why is his hair sticking out THROUGH his cap like that. With curiosity, I commented that I like his cap. He confessed that he was really bald and he had had real hair sewn to his stocking cap to give the appearance that he really did have hair. Jay overheard the hat/hair explanation, noticed that the guy was wearing Daisy Duke shorts on a cold day, and nodded at me. I nodded back and it was confirmed that either this guy used to rule the world, or at least at one time he had lots of potential.

Near closing time, afro boy came in and got a muffin. After he left, Jay told me that he thought that if that boy ever wanted to rule the world, he should spend more time in the bakery. Today alone he would've gotten some great tips that would insure his rightful path to greatness. We came to an agreement of the things that the future ruler of the world would have to possess all of the following: a big afro, a purple cast, a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, a sweat band, mis-matched shoes, white socks, foiled hair (under a hairy stocking cap), baggy tie-dyed pants, a heavy book bag, a Superman/Sponge Bob T-shirt, a gay 3-legged dog and the inclination to hand feed a biscuit to a friend, along with the guts to walk down the street looking like a fool in the middle of a dye job . Find someone with all of those qualities and I guarantee you that you are looking at the next person that will rule the world.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG, I used to rule the world and didn't even know it!!! Could my "butch" haircut, metallic shoes, earrings that drop below my shoulders still qualify me for future greatness?? That blog was SO funny!!

8:21 AM

Blogger Brian said...

Update: Someone hung up a "Lost Cat" poster outside of the bakery yesterday. The cat's name was Jack and the picture showed a cat laying down on his stomach with his legs sticking straight out. The legs were a good two feet long each. He was described as being sweet with "Huge Eyes". Jay proclaimed that this cat could be the next Ruler of the Animal Kingdom.

9:34 PM


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