Reflections on Christmas

Christmas is over, and I have to admit that I never really got into it. Sure there were moments that I came close, especially at the candlelight service at St. John's on Christmas Eve. I felt the true meaning of Christmas that night, I felt like I had found my way home after all of these years. This was the first Christmas Eve service that I've attended in at least 10 years. It used to be a holiday tradition to go to church on Christmas Eve, as a family. But traditions change-- Dad died, Steve moved, and the tradition stopped.

I don't know why, but this Christmas has been strange for me. I've spent the last month remembering past Christmases more than ever. Is it morbid? I don't think so. I had a lot of great Christmases with my family growing up. Each year was more memorable than the last. But there's something about having children and grandparents at a Christmas celebration. This year we had neither. The kids are all in Memphis, the grandparents are all at the cemetary, along with one of my parents. I spent a lot of time thinking about them this month- the ones that are no longer here. Happy memories-- memories of Christmas that are etched in my brain forever: Mommo's egg nog, Granddaddy's "chirping bird" ornament that everyone hated but I loved, Mema's fur coat, Papa's Santa hat, Dad lining us all up in the hallway when he went to the living room to see if Santa had come or not, Aunt Evelyn's themed gifts-- the year we all got wallets and the year we all got windbreakers from Aunt Evelyn.

My grandparents, my father and my Aunt Evelyn all died in the 90's. Christmas as I knew it changed when they were no longer here. But for the first time since then, they were all here because I remembered them. Merry Christmas Mommo & Granddaddy, Mema & Papa, Dad and Aunt Evelyn-- thanks for the memories.