Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Still Holding a Grudge

Janice is tired. She works full time in the Customer Service department at Atlanta Gas Light. She spends 40 hours a week declining her customer's requests, as well as maintaining her lovely 2 bed/ 1 bath bungalow. Janice lives alone, and that brings her down. She longs for a companion. Male or female, she doesn't care. The upkeep on the house is too much for her.
She has to do everything for herself. No one helps her at all. Just last November she spent every weekend lining her home with Christmas lights. They were having a sale at Dollar General and she bought 8 strings of icicle lights for a dollar each; enough to line the front of the house. They were so pretty that the neighbors voted her home the "Christmas House of the Year". Janice basked in the glory and decided that the Christmas lights should stay up a little longer.
Spring came and Janice noticed that pollen was collecting on the strands of icicles that outlined her home. Some of the light bulbs no longer glowed as brightly after they were coated with pollen. Janice went outside with a bottle of no-name brand window cleaner and a roll of paper towels and set upon her mission of cleaning the bulbs. It was then that she discovered the squirrels. Apparently, squirrels like to eat Christmas light cords. Janice noticed that when she plugged in her lights each night, several strands didn't light up anymore. Maybe there's a reason that other people take down their lights as soon as the holidays are over? Janice didn't want to give in. She decided to spend all of her free time on her front porch. She sits there with a broom in her hand- ready to swat at any rodents that she catches gnawing away on her remaining lights.
Poor Janice. It's no wonder that she's so tired and hateful all the time. At least her job brings her a little satisfaction-- cutting off people's gas always brings her a little happiness.
It's been several months since Janice had the satisfaction of cutting off my gas and doing everything within her power to prohibit me from restoring service.
I still hate her.


Blogger beverly said...

All right, Brian, the humor is returning!!! Poor Janice. Cut her a little slack and think a kind thought every time you see a squirrel. Perhaps she'll retire soon to her double-wide in Florida.

5:59 AM

Blogger beverly said...

P.S. Please show me how to leave comments in my own blog without having to type in those hard-to-read letters.

6:01 AM

Blogger Matt ATL said...

You've truly got a knack for writing, Brian. I think you should sharpen your skills a little more and seriously contemplate a novel, following the foot steps of David Sedaris or Hollis Gillespie.

10:16 AM

Blogger Brian said...

Thanks so much, Matt! Being compared to two of my idols leaves me speachless! Love ya!

7:53 PM


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