Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Visits From Ashante


April 1st: Ashante was visiting our neighbor and noticed the fish pond/ Water garden. She felt compelled to come over and ring the doorbell to tell us how "Beee-U-Tiful" the pond was. We weren't surprised, because the pond has become some kind of magnet for what we call "3-eyed Lions". Anyway, Ashante stayed for over an hour, going on and on about the pond and our flowers-- as well as describing all of the flowers that she grew in her yard, although she didn't know the names of any of them. After a few lost hours of listening to her diatribe about how beautiful her yard was, she offered to sell us all of her lawn decorations (consisting of mostly white plastic furniture and flower pots). I declined her offer, but my ears perked up when she mentioned that she had a leaf blower that she would sell me for $40. I bought the leaf blower and proceeded to spend the afternoon blowing leaves back into the pond that I'd just cleaned. I knew at that point that Ashante was a demon.


April 15th: Ashante rang our doorbell- we were expecting Michael's Mom, but instead we
realized that we were being visited once again by the 3-eyed lion from across the street. This time we saw that attached to her car was a trailor containing all of the white plastice furniture that she had offered to us previously. I was afraid that she was going to lower her price and make an offer that we couldn't resist on the tackiest furniture that God ever created. I was wrong-- she was there to expalin that she was going through a nasty divorce and everything had been settled, except for the fact that her ex-husband wanted the leaf blower back. I gave the blower back to Ashante, with her promise of returning my $40 soon.


May 10th: Ashante visited us once again today. This time she came to tell us that she didn't have my $40, but she would bring it to me tomorrow. She also noticed that I was barefooted and revealed to me that she has a foot fetish. She asked if she could feel my feet. I had just finished wading in the pond, but she didn't care... she wanted to feel my feet, so I stuck out my leg and let her go at it. Then she told us that her next favorite fetish was earlobes. I didn't let her go there.



After she left, I told Michael that I couldn't wait to blog about her. Michael went outside with my camera and snapped all of these pictures that I'm including in today's blog. In the process, he was forced to look at all of the belongings she had in her trunk that she was offering for sale. She had a few decorative items that my neighbor Earline was interested in, but she wanted too much for them. Michael ended up buying a couple of spot lights and a candle holder from her "trunk sale".

I hate the fact that I won't be home tomorrow when Ashante visits again.


9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did not buy anything. She gave itt to me. She wanted to see hoow the tree would lokk.
Mic

9:57 PM

 
Blogger Granny Annie said...

I guess Ashante will have to be my new ideal salesperson. That trick of selling the leaf blower then ending up with the money and the leaf blower is excellent. Selling out of the trunk of the car would be much easier than having to restock my flea market booth all the time. Perhaps she can start a class.

9:50 AM

 
Blogger beverly said...

Is she "Popsicle's" mother?

6:10 PM

 
Blogger Brian said...

no, but she is a classmate of Popsickle's mom. And FYI.... Ashante didn't bring my $40 to me on Sunday as promised. Hmmm... don't make me hunt her down!

6:15 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You let her get away
Mic

11:17 PM

 
Blogger epgraves said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

12:21 AM

 
Blogger epgraves said...

You must emit a pheromone that attracts 3 eyed lions.

Consider your $40.00 a charitable contribution to the 3 eyed lions of East Point! It's gone bye bye and it ain't coming back.

12:22 AM

 
Blogger epgraves said...

Oh, and GOD I HOPE she left Mrs. Nix alone!

12:25 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious!!

4:56 AM

 

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