Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Who is THAT?

I look in the mirror and wonder who that guy is I see in the reflection.

I guess I expect to see my self image looking back at me.

The shape looks familiar. The waistline has always fluctuated between 28" and 29". I know, it's a curse! I just can't gain weight, no matter how hard I try! At 40 years old, I can still fit into the suit I wore at my highschool graduation. Damnit!

The eyes are the same. Well, basically the eyeballs are still the same. Still blue somedays, green other days, depending on the clothes I wear. The skin around the eyes have changed, though. Puffy and supporting dark circles underneath, from years of not getting enough sleep. Lines surround the corners of my eyes. They call them laugh lines-- I must've laughed a lot.

The skin isn't as elastic as it used to be; the hair is a pile of over-processed straw.

The days of getting anything I wanted with just a smile have dwindled away. When I was young, I could get away with murder. I'd flash a little smile, bat an eye, and the world was mine for the asking. Nowadays, I learn that you can't rely on cuteness to get you through life. Like Judge Judy always says: "Beauty fades, but dumb is forever".

I remember being in math class in the 3rd grade. The teacher asked us to figure out how old we would be in the year 2000. After a little work, I determined that I would be 35. Oh my God! That sounded ancient. I remember thinking back then, I'll never be that old. I'll die first, or the world will come to an end before that!

Well, I obviously made it to 35. Even 36, 37, 38, 39 and now 40. My body sometimes feels like it's 80. I know my health isn't great, but I persevere, or at least try to.

I wear these wrinkles like a badge. They show that I have been somewhere in life, they show that I laughed loud and often. Of course, if I could have them removed, I'd do it in a heartbeat in the quest for eternal youth!

Yet, here I am at 40. And there is my reflection at 40. Too bad. Despite everything, inside I feel like 20. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I'm surrounded by the greatest family in the world (in my opinion) and the best friends anyone could ever ask for.

So who is that in the mirror? It's me. And I'm proud of it. After a lifelong struggle for self-acceptance, I can look in the mirror and know that I finally like the person looking back at me.


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