Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Best Thing About Gay Marriage

Gays have been fighting for the right to legally marry for a while now. So far it hasn't happened here in Georgia, but I hope that some day it will. Not that I'm itching for the chance to walk down the aisle. Not that my boyfriend and I are are excited about registering at Crate & Barrell and then throwing a huge wedding blast, knowing that the gifts that we received would add up to more than the cost of the wedding. Hell, I don't even have a boyfriend, but I want gay Americans to have the right to get married for one simple reason. With marriage comes divorce. And when there's a divorce, there's always Divorce Court!

Can you imagine "Gay Divorce Court"? It would be a hoot! I can see Judge Maybelline officiating over the case of "Smith-Johnson vs. Johnson-Smith". I think it'd go something like this:

Judge: Good afternoon. Today we are trying the case of Randall
Smith-Johnson vs. Kenneth Johnson-Smith. I understand that you are
a divorce on the grounds of mental

That's right, your Honor. It all
started a couple of
years ago. I had
just gotten the best haircut of
my life! I went
down to Le Cut and my
hairdresser, Matthew, wanted to
try something new. He
encouraged me

Is there a point to this?

Randall: Oh dear,
I'm so sorry, Judge.
But... Matthew is a genious when
it comes
to hair and he talked me into
getting a butch military cut.
He said I
could use some hair product to
make it spikey and fab, which I
did! I
bought some product, about $50
for a small jar. I have to
tell you, it
worked! My hair was

Judge: That's very nice, but again--
is there a

Randall: The point is-- I looked fab-u-lous!!!!
It was great until about 6
months ago.

Judge: What happened 6 months
ago, Mr.

Randall: That BITCH started using my
hair product!
gasps) He went to see Matthew at Le Cut
and got the same
haircut, but
didn't buy the product. He came into the
gym with MY
haircut and MY
product in it! He got lots of attention and
started using
my gel EVERY
DAY! Did he ever pitch in when it was time
to buy more
NO! I also think I saw him wearing one of
my new Abercrombie
& Fitch
tank tops to the gym one day

Judge (turning to
the defendant): How do you respond to this allegation,

Kenneth: That was MY tank
top!!!! I let you
borrow it a couple
of times, but I bought it.
It was on the clearance
rack (audience gasps
very loudly) at The Boy Next
Door. I paid $79.95
for that tank top. As
for the
haircut-- GIIIRRLLL!!! He forgot to tell
you that he was
an affair with Matthew, his hairdresser!

Randall: Shut up, Bitch!!! You know it wasn't an affair. I slept with
him a couple of times to get a discount on hair product after YOU started using
it. Besides, if you knew how to satisfy me, I wouldn't have had to go
looking. If you'd just paid your share for the hair product, that
would've happened, anyway.

Kenneth: Like you chipped in on the Mary Kay Instant-Action Eye
That cost me a pretty penny and I didn't have to sleep with my Mary Kay rep
to get it, either!!!

I think it would go something like that! I can only imagine all of the hand gestures, theatrics and character witnesses! It would be a hoot! Please remember this the next time that you get a chance to vote for or against gay marriage-- it'd make for some great TV if nothing else!


Blogger epgraves said...

I'm glad you threw in the part about the various hand guestures because as I read I could picture a few good "Two Snaps and a Circle."

7:02 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still laughing just picturing the scene!! Not to bring it down but, I, too, await the day when Gay Marriages are legal even if it means the possibility of divorce. The scene in the courtroom where my second divorce took place was pretty "dramatic" but would have played well in "Divorce Court".

8:13 AM


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