Brian vs. DIRECTV

I've been having problems with my satellite receiver in the the sunroom for a couple of weeks. Basically, the problem is that I don't receive a signal. Therefore I have no TV in my sunroom. Not a problem, if I didn't watch much TV or if the sunroom was a place I never visited. But, since I spend 75% of my "at home" hours in my sunroom (and I'm a TV addict), it is a problem.

In order to solve the problem, I went to DIRECTV's website yesterday. I went through their FAQ's and didn't find a solution to the problem, so I e-mailed their help desk:

"Dear DirectTV, I am not receiving a signal on the receiver labled as "office". My other two receivers are working properly. I have tried resetting the receiver, but it still does not receive a signal. Please reset the "office" receiver from your end. Thank you."

Pretty straight to the point, huh?

I received this reply:

Dear Mr. Burnett,Thanks for writing. I'm sorry to hear that you're having technical trouble with your DIRECTV system. If resetting the receiver doesn't fix the problem, since you have the DIRECTV Protection Plan the best way for you to get help as soon as possible is to call 1-888-667-7463 and choose the option to speak to a technical assistant. You may also find some helpful information at the DIRECTV Technical Help forums on our web site. Just visit http://forums.directv.com/pe/index.jsp to find answers to your questions.Thanks for your patience while we work to identify and correct the trouble.

Sincerely,

Divina

DIRECTV Customer Service

I guess that Divina's job at the help desk is to direct people to go elsewhere. Although she was very polite, she basically told me that she couldn't help. I was fired up and replied:

"Divina~~~ Just asking-- are you working to correct the problem, or are you just refering me to another department? I appreciate your response, but it really is not helpful. I could have called customer service to begin with, but I found this link for customer service through the directtv website. What's the point in going to the website helpdesk and getting a response that advises me to call another helpdesk? Why don't you call the technical assistant in my behalf? How many emails and phone calls willI have to place in order to restore my service on one of the TV's in my house? As a Customer Care rep, can't you take care of resetting my signal? Why would you refer me to another website or another help desk? Just fix the problem, please. I have not received a signal from one receiver in a couple of weeks. Will I get a credit for that?"

I didn't receive a response.

Big Brother has it's season premiere tonight, and I'd like to watch it in my sunroom/office. So I'm desperate. I followed Divina's advice and called the help desk. I talked to a woman named Agnes who had me jump through several hoops-- unplug your receiver/plug it in/unplug your cable/plug it in/tune your receiver to channel 401/tune it to 402/cross your legs/uncross them/blink your left eye twice, etc... Nothing she suggested seemed to help. After an hour on the phone, she determined that she needed to have a technician look at my receiver. She scheduled a service call for the next available time slot, July 15th between 8am and 5pm. I explained to her that by then I will have missed two episodes of Big Brother, but it didn't seem to help. They'll be here a week from Saturday and there seems to be nothing I can do to speed up the process. She had the nerve to complete the call by asking: "Did I resolve your problem today?". I responded by saying "Other than the fact that I still don't have TV and can't hope to have TV until a week from Saturday, I guess so." She replied "Thank you, Mr. Burnett... I'm glad I could solve your problem."

After I hung up the phone, it hit me. I recognized that voice! She might've said that her name was Agnes, but I am 100% sure that it was Janice from the gas company. She's come back to haunt me from a different company! Hell, she's probably also posing as Divina on the website's help desk as well. She wasn't satisfied with just cutting off my gas last Winter, now she's trying to cut off my TV. The next thing you know, she'll get a job with the US Postal service and refuse to deliver my mail. She's got it in for me, I know it. I hate still hate her!