Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Yard Sale Hell

Today was the Historic Conley Hills Neighborhood Association's neighborhood yardsale. About 15 homes within a two mile radius had yardsales today. Beverly & I filled my front yard with stuff that we no longer wanted (ok, I have to admit that I still wanted some of it, but I was trying to make a few bucks!). We had a pretty good turnout- it would've been better if the yardsale signs had actually pointed in the vicinity of my house, but I'm not complaining. I could've put up my own signs, but I didn't think about it. We got rid of a lot of stuff, and had a couple of boxes of stuff leftover that we'll donate to the hurricane relief group that's taking up collections for those that evacuated to Atlanta. I made almost $100-- just enough to get my phone service restored! I wish it was extra money, but it'll all go to paying one past-due bill.

Kitty brought me and Beverly coffee and breakfast sandwichs from Krystals. Bruce brought us some pumpkin cake. I didn't get to taste the cake yet, but I'm sure it'll be great. After all, Bruce is the best baker that I know, and I work in a Bakery!

Popsickle (the little girl from across the street) poked her head through her screened door as I was setting things up. I heard a few "heys!" from her, and a couple of "where's your dogs at?". Later she came over (carrying a neon green toothbrush, instead of a melting popsickle this time), and found a Barbie doll that she liked. She batted those little brown eyes at me and I couldn't resist- she went home carrying a free Barbie doll, and her toothbrush.

My last customers kind of freaked me out. They were a loving couple-- they held hands when they walked up the street to my house. Maybe I'm just jealous! Their names were Preston and Susan. God I hope they never read this, but I feel pretty secure in the fact that they don't have a computer in their home. Preston actually came to the yard sale earlier in the day. He bought 2 CDs: Bryan Adams, & Brian Setzer Orchestra. I had a hard time concentrating while I took his money-- all I could notice was his nose hair-- the strands stuck out of his nose about 4" -- the hair reached his lips! Wouldn't he notice that when he looked in the mirror, or ate? Doesn't he have any friends or family that would say "Hey- trim your nose hair"?

Anyway.... he bought his CDs and left. But a couple of hours later he returned with his wife, Susan. Oh, poor Susan. Not only does she have to sleep with this man every night, she has to wake up with him, too. Not that she was a prize to begin with. She would be any dentist's wet dream-- there wasn't a tooth in her head that wasn't broken, chipped or decayed. As they thumbed through the CDs, Preston told me that he owns 300 CDs and then he began to list them for me: "Ozzy Osbourne, Willie Nelson, Tupac Shakur.....". Susan put down the Miller Lite glass that she had been admiring and reminded Preston that they didn't have that Tupac CD "no more"-- they had "gave" it away. Preston didn't miss a beat and told me that he still had a CD that wasn't by Tupac, but someone similar. Then he continued to recite the other 297 CD's that he owned-- ending with Bryan Adams and Brian Setzer Orchestra that he had recently purchased (at my yardsale).

Preston bought an EnVogue CD; Susan boght that glamorous Miller Lite glass that she so admired. They joined hands and went their merry way towards their mirrorless home. Hopefully they stopped by one of the other 14 yardsales and purchased a nose-hair clipper, tweezers or scissors; but I doubt it.

I guess the most disturbing thought I have is that they are at home now, listening to EnVogue's "Don't Let Go" and making sweet love. Again, maybe I'm just being catty and I'm jealous of the love that they share- but dear sweet Jesus, I have one prayer: please don't let them procreate tonight while listening to my CD!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, I hadn't even noticed his nose hair or her bad teeth but that's because I ran into your house after about a minute of that accent. Since you've been invited to their house, maybe we should drive by it to see what it looks like -- NOT go in the house but just see what it looks like (are there any double-wides in East Point??)

7:38 AM

Blogger =^..^= Kitty =^..^= said...

Yes, there is a doublewide in East Point. I live in it, but now you'll NEVER be invited. BRIAN!!! what were you thinking when you wrote that stuff!!???

8:56 AM

Blogger Brian said...

It was just a creative writting exercise-- facts were embellished and truths were a little twisted. To be honest, Preston and Susan were perfectly nice and genuine people-- friendly neigbors that I enjoyed talking to, who were nice enough to buy things at my yardsale-- but I swear that the nose hair/rotten teeth parts were true! You can't make this shit up!!

8:30 PM


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