On the Verge of a Breakdown...

I always hate it when I hear women say that they "can't find a thing to wear", or when they fuss over buying a new dress for the prom, or any other special occasion. What's the big deal? Just go shopping and buy something nice! Well, as of this week, I know exactly how they feel. I've been in panic attack mode all week because the PALS Benefit is this Saturday and as of yesterday I still didn't have an outfit. One of my problems is that I don't know my size. I've gotten lucky in the past with people lending me clothes-- a couple of times I bought dresses on EBay, and luckily they fit (with a little alteration and dieting!). But.. yesterday morning I was sitting at my desk thinking that I've got to find an outfit. I need to know what my size is at least! it's hard enough for a man to go shopping in the women's deptartment-- I can always pretend I'm buying a dress for my sister, but even in that scenario I should have some idea of her size, right? So, sitting at my desk yesterday I had a brilliant idea-- go to Old navy and pick out some men's and women's clothes-- go to the dressing room and try on the girl's clothes and then I'll know my size without making too much of a fool of myself. So, I left work early- I was in Old Navy by 10am with an armload of stylish jeans and tops in all different sizes. I tried on everything, and nothing fit. I didn't have it in me to go back for another round of women's clothes to change into so I went home and dug out my drag outfits from previous years. I got out the needle and thread and a pair of scissors and went to work on altering these clothes so that no one would recognize the fact that I'd worn them on stage before. It didn't work. I got frustrated and gave up the idea of making my own clothes. I watched an episode of Jerry Springer instead. It was very interesting-- a man was breaking up with his transexual girlfriend because he was having an affair with her stepson! Only on Springer!!!!

Anyway-- I started panicing again today-- the show is now 3 days away and I have nothing to wear but a wig, a bra and some ladie's boots. I thought about changing my song, so that it'd match my striptease outfit, but then decided to go on another shopping spree. This time I went to the Ross store at Edgewood. I browsed the aisles, still prepared to answer that I was shoping for my sister (in case anyone asked!). I didn't see anything I liked until I got to the clearance rack. All of a sudden a bright light shown down; I heard angels strumming their harps and the sound of heaven's gates opening up. There was the exact top that I'd been looking for-- and it was only $8.99! I did a mental inventory of the clothes I had at home and figured that with this purchase I would be set. After purchasing the heaven-sent, clearance rack blouse from Ross, I headed home and put the whole outfit together and I think it's perfect, or as close to perfect as I can get with less than 3 days to spare.

So the next time I hear someone complain that they "don't have a thing to wear", I'll be a little more sympathetic. It ain't easy being pretty-- or as Steve Martin once said, "It Ain't Pretty Being Easy".