Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

On the Verge of a Breakdown...

I always hate it when I hear women say that they "can't find a thing to wear", or when they fuss over buying a new dress for the prom, or any other special occasion. What's the big deal? Just go shopping and buy something nice! Well, as of this week, I know exactly how they feel. I've been in panic attack mode all week because the PALS Benefit is this Saturday and as of yesterday I still didn't have an outfit. One of my problems is that I don't know my size. I've gotten lucky in the past with people lending me clothes-- a couple of times I bought dresses on EBay, and luckily they fit (with a little alteration and dieting!). But.. yesterday morning I was sitting at my desk thinking that I've got to find an outfit. I need to know what my size is at least! it's hard enough for a man to go shopping in the women's deptartment-- I can always pretend I'm buying a dress for my sister, but even in that scenario I should have some idea of her size, right? So, sitting at my desk yesterday I had a brilliant idea-- go to Old navy and pick out some men's and women's clothes-- go to the dressing room and try on the girl's clothes and then I'll know my size without making too much of a fool of myself. So, I left work early- I was in Old Navy by 10am with an armload of stylish jeans and tops in all different sizes. I tried on everything, and nothing fit. I didn't have it in me to go back for another round of women's clothes to change into so I went home and dug out my drag outfits from previous years. I got out the needle and thread and a pair of scissors and went to work on altering these clothes so that no one would recognize the fact that I'd worn them on stage before. It didn't work. I got frustrated and gave up the idea of making my own clothes. I watched an episode of Jerry Springer instead. It was very interesting-- a man was breaking up with his transexual girlfriend because he was having an affair with her stepson! Only on Springer!!!!

Anyway-- I started panicing again today-- the show is now 3 days away and I have nothing to wear but a wig, a bra and some ladie's boots. I thought about changing my song, so that it'd match my striptease outfit, but then decided to go on another shopping spree. This time I went to the Ross store at Edgewood. I browsed the aisles, still prepared to answer that I was shoping for my sister (in case anyone asked!). I didn't see anything I liked until I got to the clearance rack. All of a sudden a bright light shown down; I heard angels strumming their harps and the sound of heaven's gates opening up. There was the exact top that I'd been looking for-- and it was only $8.99! I did a mental inventory of the clothes I had at home and figured that with this purchase I would be set. After purchasing the heaven-sent, clearance rack blouse from Ross, I headed home and put the whole outfit together and I think it's perfect, or as close to perfect as I can get with less than 3 days to spare.

So the next time I hear someone complain that they "don't have a thing to wear", I'll be a little more sympathetic. It ain't easy being pretty-- or as Steve Martin once said, "It Ain't Pretty Being Easy".


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now, THAT'S the Brian (or Keisha) I remember!!! That blog was really funny!!! Saw the Biscuitmobile today and wanted to come in shouting for Keisha Lorraine but lost my nerve at the last minute.

7:20 PM

Blogger Brian said...

Where'd you see the Biscuit Mobile?

7:29 PM

Blogger epgraves said...

Or in my case..."It ain't easy being sleazy." Glad you found that top. If not then you could have epoxyed on some fake breasts and have done that full body paint thing that used to be cool....remember when Demi did it?

7:54 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In Hapeville

8:11 PM

Blogger Brian said...

What were you doing in Hapeville??? I was at Performing Arts getting a hair cut, dye job and a tan!

8:17 PM

Blogger Brian said...

EP Graves- Demi was pregnant at the time, right? I think I remember it!

8:19 PM

Blogger epgraves said...

NO the pregger one was different. The one where she had a suit painted on her nude body. Will see if I can fond it and post it on my blog.

8:46 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember Demi's body paint outfit. Even though I'm a straightie female, I know art when I see it!

Did you get one of those spray tans? One of the guys in my office has that done and, oh my - it looks like he spent six months in the tropics!

8:36 AM

Blogger Brian said...

I wish I'd done the spray tan-- see follow up blog entitled "Time Check" for the gory details!

1:28 AM

Blogger epgraves said...

Noxima. Helps sooth the burn.

8:53 AM

Blogger epgraves said...

Oh, and moisturize, hopefully that will thwart the peeling, atleast until the show is over.

8:55 AM


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