Daily thoughts by a guy that doesn't like to think deeply too often!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Shadow

The shadow knows my name. It actually knows everything there is to know about me. It's comforting and scary, at the same time. It engulfs me from time to time, when I let it in. I don't see it as a shadow, it becomes so much more. It's talent amazes me, it's beauty draws me in. It challenges me, it dares me. It tests me to see how far I will go. I do things that I would never do, go places that I shouldn't go. I'm old. Too old. But the shadow makes me young again. The shadow convinces me that the things we are doing are fun. It spins it's web around me and I am happy to be cocooned within it, even if I know it won't last. I want the shadow to stay with me forever. I always wanted the shadow to stay. Maybe I wanted it too much in the past-- when the shadow used to be my world. The shadow doesn't want anyone full time-- and that's what always hurt. I grew to hate the shadow for not wanting me. The more I loved the shadow, the more I began to hate it. All I ever wanted was for the shadow to love me, and I know that it does.

The shadow has morphed again. It has changed shape and become a mist that floated up towards the sky. The mist whispers "I love you" as the cocoon begins to unravel around me. The shadow is gone and I am left with just the memory and a heart that feels full, and empty at the same time. "I love you", it had said. That's all I ever wanted, but it's not enough.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Green Ones Make You Horny!

Green M&M® Chocolate Candies are an aphrodisiac? Mystery Revealed!

Origins: The Mars Company of Hackettstown, New Jersey (now M&M/MARS), has been producing M&M Chocolate Candies since 1941. (The peanut variety was introduced in 1954.)
Various rumors have since been attached to different colors of the candy: the green ones are an aphrodisiac; if the last candy out of a bag is red, make a wish and it will come true; if the last candy out of a bag is yellow, you should call in sick and stay home; orange M&Ms are good luck, but brown ones are bad luck. M&M/MARS notes that all these rumors were developed by consumers, not the company.

The rumor that these green candies are an aphrodisiac apparently started or first gained prominence in the 1970s, when students reportedly picked the green ones out of packages to feed to the objects of their desires. (At that time, an average of 10% of plain M&Ms and 20% of peanut M&Ms were green.) Why the green M&Ms were attributed with this power is unknown; perhaps it was because the color green has always been associated with healing and fertility. (The company itself routinely states that they "cannot explain any extraordinary 'powers' attributed to [green M&Ms], either scientifically or medically"; the same "powers" have also been claimed of green jelly beans and gummi bears.)

When red M&Ms were temporarily taken off the market after the FDA banned the use of red dye #2 in 1976, a rumor spread that the red ones were such a powerful aphrodisiac that M&M/MARS employees were pocketing them directly off the production line.

In 1992, a California lawyer named Wendy Jaffe cashed in on the legend and started a company named Cool Chocolates Inc. Her company's sole product was a green M&M-like candy sold under the name "The Green Ones." M&M/MARS claimed trademark infringement (in part because the characters on The Green Ones' packages were quite similar to the trademarked M&M cartoon figures), and as part of a settlement Ms. Jaffe agreed to change the name and packaging of her product. (Her candy was subsequently sold under the name "Greenies.") M&M/MARS started playing on the common image of green M&Ms with an "Is it true what they say about green ones?" advertising campaign in 1996.

Saturday, November 26, 2005


I got to spend a lot of time with Lady this weekend. For those of you that don't know, Lady is the only sister of King and Cletus-- the offspring of my dog Clara. They are all growing up so fast!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!

Thanksgiving Recap

Thanksgiving has been a fun couple of days! We had dinner at Mom's place yesterday-- once again she pulled off the impossible! Everything was incredible, but the highlight was probably Peggy Jean's Pumpking cheesecake with gingersnap crust. I felt bad because that was the dessert that I brought-- Mom made a beautiful pound cake and it was never even cut or tasted. I'm sure it was wonderful, and I'm sure that it was probably eaten by the rest of the out-of-town family that is staying with her until tomorrow. Jim and Angie and the kids came down from Tennessee, along with Angie's mother, Debbie. We had a really great time, and you'd never guess that Jim and Angie were divorced a year ago. Everyone got along fine- no fights, no tension, just a relaxing day that made me thankful for my family. After dinner, us "menfolk" went to Hall's Florist on Memorial Drive to pick out a Christmas tree for Mom. It's become a tradition for the last 7 years now... after we eat, the guys go shopping for the tree and the girls get out the ornaments and get ready to decorate. It's probably cliche and maybe even sexists, but it's a tradition that I look forward to every year. I don't get a lot of bonding time with my brothers, so it's nice to know that every year there will be an hour or so that we can all revert to our brotherly dynamics-- Joel (the eldest) gets to carry the money that Mom gives him for the tree. I pickout the tree and Joel pays for it. Jim doesn't really get a say, and really doesn't have an opinion. He's the youngest, and it's pretty much always been that way and he doesn't mind. He just goes along for the ride. Who knows, he may look forward to this too-- an opportunity not to have to have an opinion or make a choice for a change.

This morning I got up at the crack of dawn-- actually way before dawn cracked. At 5:30am I was in Circuit City fighting the crowds and looking for bargains. There were plenty of bargains out there, but I was practical and remembered what I could actually afford for a change. They had a 15" flat screen TV for $184, and a 32" TV for $199. People were fighting over them. If I had had an extra $200 to my name, I would've been in the middle of the melee. But I didn't have it, and didn't really need another TV of any size. Next stop was Home Depot. I'm going to remember Home Depot next year- it was the bomb! No crowd and lots of bargains. I got a nice looking artificial Christmas tree for $39 (prelighted with 500 lights), and a tool box for $5. They were also selling the 15" flatscreen TV for $199-- no lines, no fighting. Just lots of TV's sitting there waiting for the crowd. I took it as a sign from God that I was meant to have that TV, but I didn't give in. I called my brother and told him to forget Circuit City-- he went to Home Depot and got the steal of the century. I had my eye on a 12 gallon wet/dry vacuum cleaner. It was marked down to $24. Then I thought- why do I need a wet/dry vac? I passed it by and ended my shopping experience before 7am.

I went to work for a little while to finish up some payroll issues, then met the family at Market Square- we saw "Harry Potter"-- it was good, but almost 3 hours long and we had to sit on the very front row so it was hard to watch. Then we went to Radio Shack where Joel bought me another DVD player-- marked down to $29- as an early birthday present. After I left the family, I went back to Home Depot and got the wet/dry vac. I figured it's cheaper than renting a steam cleaner and I can probably get my sunroom rug just as clean with it.

I have always loved Thanksgiving, and the day after, for shopping. They practically give things away!

I came home and set up and decorated the Christmas tree- still getting the house ready for the birthday party that is only 2 weeks away. Luckily a few more RSVPs have come in, but there are still a lot of people that haven't responded. I invited over a hundred people, and as of today we've only received about 10 positive replies. Maybe people are waiting til after Thanksgiving to RSVP. I hope that's the case cause I'm working my butt off and sacraficing my days off to get this house in shape.

In closing I have to say what I'm thankful for-- we usually have this tradition at Thanksgiving where we all hold hands, say the prayer and then each of us have to tell what they are thankful for before we can eat. We didn't do that this year, so I'll do it here:

I'm especially thankful for my family- they gave me the roots to become the person I am today and they've stood by me through thick and thin. I'm thankful for my friends-- especially my East Point friends. They support me no matter how much of an ass I make of myself, they teach me that I can do the things that I've always feared doing; they encourage me to have an opinion even when it doesn't match their point of view. I'm thankful for my dogs: Betty for inspiring me to be the person that she thinks I am, Shelby for her unending ability to show affection and ignore every other distraction in the world in order to be near me, Clara for being a faithful watchdog, and King for reminding me daily that we can have all of the odds stacked against us and we can overcome them and flourish.

Thanks to all of you for being in my life. I may be poor, but on nights like this I feel so rich!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Gonna Rule the World Someday

My friend Jay works in the bakery. He's about the funniest person I've ever met. We have an inside joke that I think is hysterical. You might not find it as funny as I do, but I'll fill you in on it anyway!
There is a kid that comes into bakery pretty often. He's about 15 years old, and I'm sure he thinks that he's so cool because he has the hugest afro I've ever seen on a white guy! One day Jay pointed out to me that that kid was going to rule the world someday. The geeks always do! He said he could tell by the way he dressed--baggy clothes, heavy book bag, and that hair! He also said that he'd seen him hand-feed a biscuit to his buddy sitting on the bench outside of the bakery. That showed that he was kind, even though he was a bad dresser and had bad hair. Now, after everytime he comes into the bakery we always comment that someday that kid is gonna rule the world.
I spent a lot of time in the bakery with Jay today and we came to the conclusion that "afro boy" might have some competition-- the future rulers of the world came out en masse today!
  • The little 4-year-old boy: although it was about 40 degrees today and very windy and overcast, he was wearing a flowered Hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts, sandals and white socks. He also wore sunglasses and a purple cast on his arm. The purple cast along with the flowered shirt on a frigid day, Jay pointed out, were clear signs of future greatness.

Ruling family: a 5 year old boy wearing a yellow Sponge Bob T-shirt, tie-dyed pajama pants and shoes that didn't match each other, accompanied by his little sister who wore a black and yellow striped sweater underneath a blue Superman T-shirt. Not only did her outfit set her up for greatness, she also had the ability to walk like a robot. Not an easy task for a 3 year old! Their Dad was dressed pretty normally, except for the electric blue sweatband that he wore across his forehead. I haven't seen a sweat band since Olivia Newton-John's "Physical" video in 1984! ONJ went on to greatness after that, so this man has a little hope! The clinching sign of greatness was the mother-- she looked ok, but she had a 3-legged dog with her, on a rainbow-striped leash. Was this a sign that she had a handicapped, gay dog? The family was quirky and kind to gay disabled animals, along with the fact that they were bad dressers-- sure signs of future greatness in Jay's eyes. After all, Donald Trump might've dressed similarly when he was a kid-- maybe he even had a disabled gay dog and that set the wheels in motion for his future greatness?

Jay and I have learned to speak without speaking. Everytime one of these kids comes into the bakery, we just look at each other and nod. We don't point or say a word- we just know that we are in the presence of the future rulers of the world and we try our best to serve them with a straight face.

There's also the other end of the spectrum-- the former rulers of the world category. We were visited by 2 of them today:

  • An older lady came in today-- obviously her last visit was to the hair salon down the block. She was still wearing a black smock and had lots of aluminum foil in her hair. I guess that midway through the dying process she felt a sudden urge to walk down the street in that get up and get herself a biscuit and and a cup of coffee. I would never do that! But God bless her-- I guess the beautician said something like "let's put you under the dryer for 15 minutes" and she said something like "can I go get a biscuit first?". I bet she used to rule the world!
  • A guy came in wearing a stocking cap today. At first glance, you'd think he had long curly hair. Then you'd think, why is his hair sticking out THROUGH his cap like that. With curiosity, I commented that I like his cap. He confessed that he was really bald and he had had real hair sewn to his stocking cap to give the appearance that he really did have hair. Jay overheard the hat/hair explanation, noticed that the guy was wearing Daisy Duke shorts on a cold day, and nodded at me. I nodded back and it was confirmed that either this guy used to rule the world, or at least at one time he had lots of potential.

Near closing time, afro boy came in and got a muffin. After he left, Jay told me that he thought that if that boy ever wanted to rule the world, he should spend more time in the bakery. Today alone he would've gotten some great tips that would insure his rightful path to greatness. We came to an agreement of the things that the future ruler of the world would have to possess all of the following: a big afro, a purple cast, a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, a sweat band, mis-matched shoes, white socks, foiled hair (under a hairy stocking cap), baggy tie-dyed pants, a heavy book bag, a Superman/Sponge Bob T-shirt, a gay 3-legged dog and the inclination to hand feed a biscuit to a friend, along with the guts to walk down the street looking like a fool in the middle of a dye job . Find someone with all of those qualities and I guarantee you that you are looking at the next person that will rule the world.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Biscuit Babywear

The Biscuit Baby "onesies" are finally in! Cute, huh?

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

Simply Amazing

I was invited to a Cajun party in East Point tonight. The party is an annual event-- hosted by my friend's John & Randy. I had a hard time parking because their street was filled with fire trucks and ambulences-- never a good sign. I finally parked my car and walked through the road block, towards the party. Then I saw it-- the home of my friend, Mike Baker (two doors down from John and Randy's house) was on fire. Huge flames reached towards the sky. Some firefighters were spraying the house with water-- other were breaking all of the windows and doors out for ventilation. The cajun party had moved out into the street - drinks and plates in hand. The crowd stood around and watched for hours, but unable to help and really unable to speak about the terrible thing they were all witnessing. Mike was out of town at the time of the fire, but the last I heard he was notified and was enroute back home. After the fire was out, I talked to a friend that was allowed to go inside and see the damage. She said that there was very little inside that could be salvaged- a total loss. Mike is a collector-- pottery, antiques, etc. He had one room that contained hundreds of antique quilts. All gone now. But, at least no one (including the dog) were home during the fire, so no one was hurt and that's a blessing. The fire was contained and didn't spread to the trees or the neighboring homes-- another blessing.
But the biggest blessing occurred next. Several people left the party while the fire was active. They went to Lowe's and bought truckloads of plywood. When the fire was put out, they went to work-- they were cutting plywood to fit all of the broken windows in the home-- boarding the place up. They had saws and tape measures and ladders- a real make-shift construction crew (and a pretty well dressed crew it was- still wearing their party clothes!). Neighbors helping a neighbor in their time of need- it was a beautiful thing to witness.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

I Lie, Too

On the surface, I appear to be a nice guy. When you talk I appear to listen. I nod and laugh, when it's appropriate. Sometines, though, I'm not listening. I'm nodding and laughing, but I haven't really heard what you've said. It's a fault- one I've worked on for years with no success. I want to hear you- but my head is full of "me". Did I pay my mortgage, car payment, insurances bill; did I turn off the coffee maker this morning? These are the thoughts in my head. It's nothing personal-- I love you. Sometimes I really hear you, sometimes I just nod and pretend that I did. Am I an awful person for doing this? Are you similar to me? I bet you do this too.
I get dressed up every morning and go to work. It's a costume and I'm an actor. I play the role of a functioning human being. But it's a lie. Inside this functioning human being is a small child saying "Me first", "Don't forget to notice me", "Watch this, Mommy". I want your approval-- I love to hear your laugh, but I wonder if you're faking it, too, sometimes.
I'm the person that comes into work and pays the bills, signs your paychecks, etc. I'm the authority figure, the Daddy persona. Would you guess that I was drunker than Cootey Brown last night-- dancing in a bar and singing kareoke at the top of my lungs? It's all a lie-- I'm not a kareoke singer, I'm not a Manager. I'm just me.
This week, a friend called me superficial. She's probably right. It hurts to admit it, but she said it and it's true. I look out for me- I worry about me. What's wrong with that, though?
I'm a cornucopia of disbelief- a liar and egomaniac. But aren't we all?

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Down to the Wire

Then invitations were mailed out yesterday, and I'm beginning to panic. It sounded like a good idea a few months ago. I remember saying "this is just the motivation I need to get some projects done". What a crock!!!!
Now it's down to the wire-- I've invited about 100 people to come to my house to celebrate my 40th birthday. Most of these people have never been to my house, so they don't have a clue how life in this Burnett household really is. I think people have the perception that I'm neat and clean. Not the case! I appear to be neat and clean when I'm expecting visitors! At those times, I just pray that no one looks in the closets, or under the beds. I keep the lights down low so that no one notices that I haven't actually cleaned a thing in my house for almost 6 years!
I remember when I bought the house, I made a list of all of the projects that I wanted to do. I would check off the list whenever I got any of the tasks completed. The list included items like:
* Remove the carpet and expose the hardwood floors (done)
* Knock out the walls in the hall and make it wider (done)
* Replace light fixtures, install washer dryer connections in the laundry room (done)
The list became overwhelming, so I added some easy things to the list, just so I could feel some sense of accomplishment:
* Mop bathroom floor (undone)
* Dust pictures (undone)
I created a new list of projects for the upcoming party-- one of them was painting the sunroom. The sunroom is the largest room in my house. I got the walls painted in less than a day, but then the trim looked so bad that I've devoted every waking moment to painting the trim- including 10 floor-to-ceiling windows. Last night I was working on the windows-- I removed one of the storm windows so that I could paint the areas around it. In the process, the window fell and broke. Great timing, huh-- it's been 60-70 degrees outside for months, but the one night that I broke the storm window, the temp fell to the 30's. I wanted to get the broken storm window out of the way, so I took it to the dining room. On the way there, the window hit the huge mirror on the wall and knocked it off- sending it to the floor in a million pieces. I cleaned up the mirror damage and then cleaned up the window damage in the sunroom. I decided to clean the carpets in the sunroom while I was at it. I sprayed it all down, waited an hour and vaccumed it up. It looked great. Within 10 minutes, one of the dogs came in and peed on the carpet. Now I have to go rent a steam cleaner, replace the mirror and the storm window, and try to finish painting the trim around 8 more windows without breaking anything else. I also need to repair some gutters, cover the rust on the front door, paint the front stairs, repair the leak in the roof and and the ceiling in the sunroom that that leak caused. There's also a 100' tree in the back yard that's threatening to fall any day. Oh yeah, the tiles on the bathroom wall are all falling off and water is leaking from the tub into the crawlspace. Oh well, I have three weeks til the party and it will all be taken care of by then. I will be glad when the party is over- by then I will have everything finished. I guess the party was good motivation after all-- otherwise most of these projects would be on the back burner for years.

Questions to Ponder

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Pure Talent!

I'm blessed to have so many talented friends. Some are gifted at decorating, some are great bakers or great artists. Some have the ability to write stories that take me away to far away places. Some can paint pictures (with acrylics or words) of things I've only seen in my dreams.
My father was an art teacher; my mother was an English teacher. From an early age, I was brought up to admire both art and the artists, words and the writers of the words. I'm often jealous at the fact that my words don't flow as easily as other's and my sketches are mere stick figures in comparison to other's drawings.
About 6 months ago, I met the most talented person that I've ever met in my life. Her name is Peggy Jean. She was hired as the Executive Chef at the Biscuit and we became close friends quickly. We shared a love for people, and a tiny space we like to call an office. She has a desk; I have a desk in the same room. Other than that, you wouldn't really call it an ofice. PJ's desk area is small and cramped- literally next to the furnace that heats and cools the building. My desktop, until recently, was a piece of plywood placed on top of two filing cabinets. The plywood is gone now, and has been replaced with a section of kitchen counter that was formally known as Delia's desk, before we got the spare bathroom remodeled and Delia got her own office and desk.
Anyway-- PJ won me over immediatley. She shared her drawings, her writings, her food and her life. She has a positive spirit and I admire that so much. Her drawings are incredible, her life is fascinating and uplifting. I'm proud to call her my friend.
Peggy Jean's blog (biscuit likker) is listed in my links on this webpage-- if you aren't a regular reader of hers, you will be after you check it out. To see more of her art, click on the title of this post ("Pure Talent!") and I promise that you'll be amazed and addicted.
PJ's latest work in progress is a children's book about a little biscuit that wants to fly. I've seen some of the illustrations and read some of the story line. As soon as she finishes the book, it'll definately be published and available for purchase in the Flying Biscuit giftshop.

New Feature

You might have noticed some changes on my Blog lately. Maybe you didn't notice, so I'll point it out! I've been experimenting and figured out how to post links. You can click on most of my recent Blog subject titles and it'll take you to a related website. For example-- in the post about the Wizard of Oz-- click on the title and you'll find a webpage devoted to the history of the Wizard of Oz. On the most recent entry about the filming at Flying Biscuit, click on the title ("Take 2") and you'll be taken to several reviews of the Flying Biscuit. Try it out.

Take 2

Once again, the cameras were turning at the Biscuit this week! A few weeks ago, I told you about a film crew that visited us to film a documentary on Southern Biscuits for PBS. On that day, I played the part of a server on film. Well, this week, the same crew came back to get some additional footage of the restaurant. This time I was asked to sit at a table with a co-worker. We were served bacon/egg/cheese biscuits and we ooohed and aaawed after each bite and raved about the food, as if we were famished castmembers from "Survivor" tasting their first real food after weeks of surviving on insects and bamboo leaves.
It's always a fun experience working with the filmcrews and I can't wait to see the show, after the editing is done. I wonder how they'll explain that a customer in one scene turns into a waiter in the next scene? I brought that to the director's attention, but she said that she didn't think anyone would notice. If I don't end up on the cutting room floor, I'll notice and have a little laugh. Even if I'm the only one that notices!
The show is set to air on PBS sometime in January. I'll keep you posted!

Monday, November 14, 2005

"Wizard of Oz"

I watched the Wizard of Oz last night and got to hear some great lines that I had forgotten:
Scarecrow: I haven't got a brain... only straw.
Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?
Dorothy: Yes, I guess you're right.
Wizard of Oz: A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.
Wizard of Oz: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tin Woodsman: But I still want one.
Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: You have no power here! Now begone, before somebody drops a house on you!
Dorothy: What would you do with a brain if you had one?

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sailing Memories

I once dated a guy that lived on Hilton Head Island, SC. He had a sailboat and every weekend we'd go sailing through the Calibogue Sound enroute to Harbour Town. We'd have lunch in Harbour Town and then sail back to his marina. For his birthday, I gave him a Coleman stove and a sailboat-sized fridge. We planned a romantic, overnight sail. We sailed into the Sound and found a nice place to set anchor-- about 100 feet from the coast of a desserted island. After we parked the boat, we cooked a nice steak dinner on the Coleman. While we were eating, the boat started leaning. The tide was going down and we were anchored too cloe to the island. By the time we realized it, it was too late to move the boat. By then our boat was sitting on the ocean floor, and tilting farther and farther to the side. I remember looking over the edge of the boat, expecting to see water; all I saw was a coral reef and sand. The ground was covered in coral and oyster shells-- impossible to walk on. We were stuck on the boat. At this point it was tilted at about 90 degrees. Then the misquitoes came out. I was getting stung left and right. Jeff found some bug spray and gave it to me. Something was wrong with the spray bottle-- I aimed it at my chest, but it sprayed up into my eyes. I was pretty much blind at that point. We decided to go downstairs to bed. It's hard to sleep on a bed that's standing exactly horizontal. We positioned ourselves so that we each had one leg on the ceiling just to hold us in place. Actually, I don't think either of us slept at all. We just laid in akward positions all night and prayed that the tide would rise and the boat would return to normal. Several hours later it happened-- the tide came in and the boat returned to it's correct position on the water. I made coffee and cooked eggs on the Coleman stove and we both acted like the disasters of the previous night were just nightmares.
Jeff and I stayed together for a couple more years after that adventure, but I think that was the last time that I ever got on the sailboat.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Redneck Hunting Dogs

King's New Toy

I bought a new toy for King today and he loves it. It looks like a dumbell, but whenever it's moved it makes laughing noises. It giggles and screams and suprises the hell out of King, and me! When he first picks it up, it says "Ohhh!" really loud. I know it's supposed to sound like the beginning of a laugh, but it sounds more like it's being hurt! King has the most confused look on his face everytime his toy talks back to him. King doesn't know it, but he's going to have several houseguests in the next few feeks-- Romulus and Lady will be staying with us for the week of Thanksgiving, and Cletus will be visiting us the following week. I hope he learns to share his new toy. I can't wait to see the other dog's reactions to this screaming dumbell!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Donation Request

Earlier this week, a lady came into the Biscuit and requested that we donate some desserts for a group of kids that were doing a fund-raising project this weekend. They wanted a dessert tray for 30 people. I agreed to donate and ended up fixing enough trays to feed 60 people. Tonight, the lady came to pick them up and I asked if it they looked sufficient (secretly knowing that they were more than she expected). She answered with "They look beautiful, but do you have anything without peanuts? One of our members is allergic to peanuts. She can't even be in the same room with a peanut. She's almost died twice- just from being in the same room with a peanut". I suggested that they ask that person to leave the room while they are eating their desserts. Of course I was insulted-- I had worked all day on preparing these trays- if I had known that peanuts were an issue, I would've put more ginger snaps and chocolate chip cookies in the trays.
I don't believe that anyone ever died from sharing a room with a peanut. I think it's a made-up allergy. Although this wasn't the first time I've heard of this-- I used to get it a lot when I was a travel agent. I had clients that wouldn't fly on any airline that served peanuts as snacks. I guess they would just shrivel up and die if they even saw a peanut.
Maybe I'm cold and callous, but I believe in survival of the fittest. Maybe it'd be a good thing if you ate or saw a peanut and it caused you to die. Maybe you were too weak to survive in the first place.
Back when I was a travel agent, I'd have people call to complain that the hotel had put them in a smoking room. I always wanted to say "you don't have to smoke if you don't want to". But instead I'd apologize and spend several hours with the hotel's front desk explaining that they were "allergic" to smoke. It didn't matter that the room had been vacant for several days and that it had been sprayed down with Lysol at least twice a day. The fact that this room was located on a smoking floor of the hotel was enough to set the guest into a rampage.
I guess some people go through life looking for a fight. Personally, I don't care if someone near me eats a plate full of botulism, while taking LSD. Their actions don't effect me.
I think that people have gotten overly sensitive and too much in need of a diagnosis to exist. If your child misbehaves, he must have ADHD and must take drugs to calm him down, if you are an adult and have problems coping with life you must be bi-polar and there's a drug for that. If you don't like being around smoke, tell everyone that you're allergic to it. What doctor ever did a test and determined that someone was allergic to cigarette smoke? I know it can be offensive, but I seriously doubt that it can cause an allergic reaction.
And why is it that 20 years ago, no one was "allergic" to smoke and peanuts? Has science advanced so much that we can now invent new things to be allergic to?
Again I say- survival of the fittest. If your body is too weak to endure sitting next to me as I eat a peanut, you weren't meant to live on this planet that long anyway.

Product Plug

I tried one of the Breathe Right strips last night for the first time and have to tell everyone how incredible they are! I don't really understand how they work, but for the first time in problem 7 years I could actually breathe easily without medication! I thought they were just for snorers, but they have all different kinds now for colds, sinus problems, etc. Some even have Mentholatem in them that is released when you scratch the strip. I highly recommend trying these little miracle workers if you are the least bit stopped up!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Guess Who's Acting Up @ Dinner!

I had dinner with my family on Monday night to celebrate my brother, Jim's, 37th birthday. We went to a very nice restaurant on the Decatur Square called "Eurasia". It's an upscale place-- dim lights, candles on the tables, soft music and white linen tableclothes. Everyone spoke in hushed voices, as if the were in a library. Except for my family. I've always been convinced that my brother, Joel, has a hearing problem. He compensates by talking very loudly. Mom had had a couple of vodka tonics and that always make her a little louder, too. Jim had driven from New Orleans to Decatur to celebrate his birthday with his family-- he hadn't eaten that day and within 15 minutes was drinking his second double Crown and Coke, which causes him to get loud. I kept asking everyone to lower their voices, because it was getting embarrasing. Then the young waiter came around and told us of the night's special-- a combo of three of their signature plates: rack of lamb, salmon filet and scallops. Mom wanted the special but wanted to substitute sea bass for the salmon-- Jim wanted to substitute steak for the lamb, Joel wanted double salmon and no scallops. After a little negotiating with the chef, the waiter came back and said that since it was a slow night he would make the substitutions. While we waited for the food, Jim opened his presents and the conversation got louder again. I politely suggested that maybe our family should celebrate birthday's at Morrisons or the Picadilly from now on. They all called me a fuddy-duddy.
Then the food came out. Everything looked great-- presented very beautifully. Immediately hands started reaching across the table to everyone else's plate. "I just want to try that sauce" was followed by someone's finger in my plate, followed by a licking of the finger, followed by a return of the newly-licked finger to my plate. Everyone had a big time sticking their fingers in each other's food. That's my biggest pet peeve--- if you want salmon, order salmon. Don't eat off of my plate or ask me to eat off your plate. I don't like other people's fingers, or used utensils in my food- even if that finger belongs to the woman that gave birth to me. Maybe I'm just selfish. Anyway-- as three sets of arms continued to dip and double-dip into each other's food, Jim's cell phone rang. It was his daughter Ashley calling to wish her Daddy a happy birthday. Sweet. After Jim spoke to Ashley he passed the phone around. It wasn't a good connection, so everyone had to talk louder than before. As the last person spoke to Ashely, I started to breathe easier- maybe people would stop staring at us and pointing. Then Jim's son, Jaime, was on the phone. Once again, the phone was passed around and everyone got to scream to him. After the phone made it's way around the table, Jim's ex-wife Angie was passed the phone and she also needed to talk to everyone at the table. Finally the phone was turned off, we finished our meals, coffee and desert. In typical Burnett fashion, we got into an argument when the bill came. Some people didn't pay enough, some paid way too much, and Mom insisted on leaving a tip that would be enough to put our waiter through grad school.
Maybe I am a selfish old fuddy-duddy. Maybe I'm a prude or a snob. I should've enjoyed and celebrated being part of a loud and overly sharing family- who cares what people think? I'm just not built that way-- if we were in a bar or a family style restaurant, it'd be different. It was like being in the episode of a Carol Burnett skit where Eunice takes her Momma and her husband Ed to a nice restaurant and they misbehaved and argued the whole time. I felt like Eunice. Keeping up appearances can be dangerous. I'll try to be better.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Art Deco Pics

I went to a "party" one time-- I thought it was a party, but it turned out to be one of those parties where everyone is expected to buy something. At the time, I went to the party with Steve- we were in hopes of finding a free drink or free food. Anyway, at the party, this lady showed us all of her art and asked which one we wanted to purchase. We walked away and said good bye to everyone. I did have my eye on a couple of paintings, but they were too expensive for me.
Fast forward a few months to Christmas morning. I opened the Christmas present from Steve and it was the two paintings that I had eyed at the "party". I loved them, back then. A few years later, Steve was gone from my life and the paintings were hard to look at. I gave them to my sister-in-law, because she was into the art-deco thing at the time, and I wasn't.
Anyway, here we are about 20 years later and I just received these paintings back. After my brother divorced his wife, he got my paintings back as part of the settlement. I got them back from him yesterday and I hung them on my new red sunroom wall. I'm still not a fan of art-deco, but they seem to match the room and they have lots of sentimental value, so I'll let them stay for a while.


Friday, November 04, 2005

Let's Play- like 12 year old boys!

Here's a new game I heard about-- very childish, but very funny.

Take the name of any car and add the word "anal" to it, at the beginning. For example, I have a Mitsubishi Eclipse-- the new name would be an Anal Eclipse. Former vehicles would be: Anal Escort, Anal Nova, Anal Storm and Anal Bug.

For some reason it seems to work better with SUVs and Pick Up Trucks: Anal Explorer, Anal Escapade, Anal Hummer, Anal Ram....

Put the word "Anal" before the car you drive-- if it's funny, post a comment here and tell me so we can all laugh like 12 year old boys!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Hot Link!

Checkout the link to biscuit likker in my list of links to the right------->

The latest post is about life at the Biscuit. Very funny-- PJ is a great writer!

Christmas Already???

I noticed tonight that the Christmas decorations on the Main Street telephone poles are already up and ready to be plugged in and lighted. It seems too early to me. However, I saw Christmas displays at Home Depot and Lowe's over a month ago. I had a hard time finding Halloween candy last week at Eckerd's, because Christmas had already taken over.

It seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Before you know it, Easter and Christmas will be sharing the same aisle at your favorite stores!